In the past two weeks, we have seen the deaths of two icons in music and professional football: Michael Jackson and Steve McNair. These two men will be identified as one of the best at their crafts, and anyone who would study their work ethic would understand their greatness. However, I have wondered, what can Black men learn from their deaths?
Jackson’s cause of death has been deferred, as investigators are still examining the cause. However, several media outlets are stating Propofol, a sedative used during surgical operations to induce the effects of the anesthesia. Many people probably were not surprised by this particular news. Throughout his life, Michael Jackson was given an exorbitant amount of attention. As leader of the musical group The Jackson 5, to his career as a solo artist, he became one of the top selling artists of all-time. Despite all of the fame and fortune, it appears there was still a void in his life. Through the obvious physical changes that resonated with his song “Black or White,” to the extravagance of his home at “Neverland”, and to the child molestation charges, Jackson was no stranger to media attention.
With the passing of the “King of Pop”, we must understand that there is no escaping the pain of life through drug usage. Many of us try to escape through alcohol, and other mind altering drugs to escape the ills of life, but when that “high” wears off, the pain is still there. There are numerous issues that we all face, and we must find ways to deal with them through healthy means. We can talk with friends who will offer sound advice, or seek professional help. Failing to do so could mean grim repercussions.
However, there is more to Jackson’s death than drug usage. He held great power and wealth, and unfortunately surrounded himself with a great deal of “Yes Men,” particularly doctors, who supplied him with illegal drug prescriptions. They failed to say “no” and influenced a habit that possibly caused Jackson’s death. It is imperative that we understand the importance of friends and social networks where people will tell us the truth (what we need) and not provide what we want to hear only to stay in good favor.
Steve McNair’s death was a bigger surprise for me. It has been ruled that he was killed by his mistress, Sahel Kazemi, in a murder-suicide in a Nashville, Tennessee condo the two shared. According to Nashville Police, McNair’s mistress, chose to kill him, then herself after realizing that he was not divorcing his wife, along with seeing another woman leaving his apartment. This was devastating news for myself because I held McNair in high regard as a man of great morale who gave back to the community through charities and football camps. My assumption of McNair is a problem that many of us encounter. We have expectations on entertainers, family, and friends that they are not aware of, nor do they have for themselves.
Various commentators on sports radio have questioned McNair’s legacy. The truth of the matter is that his reputation would not be examined so heavily if he had been honest with his wife about his activities. Unfortunately, the world knows that Kazemi and McNair went on a parasailing trip, had to cancel a trip to Las Vegas, shared an apartment, and he purchased a Cadillac Escalade for her.
Those who eulogized McNair at his funeral gave great attention to his on-field activities, which he was rightfully due. Yet they failed to address that a funeral for Steve McNair had taken place because he chose to become involved in a relationship outside of his marriage, where he was not honest with his wife or mistress.
The legacies of Michael Jackson and Steve McNair will not be tarnished. In death, many of us believe that our dead loved ones “Have gone on to heaven,” or “Are in a better place now.” Often times we fail to be objective with ourselves about the lives they lived. In the end, the good always seems to outweigh the bad, but we must ask ourselves is that fair to the deceased? Which brings me to a bigger lesson: We should always be honest with others and ourselves whether it is painful to do so or not. In the words of the poet Big Rube, “The truth hurts, but you can’t be scared of it.”
rab3
This is a topic that has been on my mind for the last two weeks. 2 great men with troubled personal lives.
ReplyDeleteThe difference between the two is that ones skeletons were in the closet while the others were paraded in front of the nation on courTV and within the Tabloids for the better part of two decades.
I agree that the important message is to be honest with the world but most importantly with yourself. Mr. McNair should have been straight forward with his wife and children. Mr. Jackson should have not allowed his family and business partners to manipulate him once he reached a certain age.
Obviously, Jackson never fully developed emotionally and I think the government shoulf find some way to prosecute his father.
In terms of McNair, I understand how hard it is to live into a publicly perceived image. As a great football player you are asked, and paid, by many people to represent them. All this does is increase the amount of scrutiny in a persons life that the rest of us will never understand. I'm not trying to give McNair a pass for cheating on his wife but I'm just tyring to shed some light on the situation this man was in. Obviously he was not happy in his marriage. But a public divorce would not be good for his image. Again, he should have been upfront with both his wife and mistress(es)
The bottom line is that from a public perspective we should remember both of these men for the wonderful things they accomplished...best selling artist and renowened philanthropist...Pioneer in terms of black quarterbacks in the NFL...philanthropist and both fathers.
No matter your stage of life or social position these examples show that there are ramifications for every action. I am not trying to be negative towards either of these men because we are all subject to consequence on some level. Hopefully people will start paying closer attention to what they do and have greater foresight in weighing what can potentially happen down the road.
ReplyDeleteThere are many lessons to be learned from each of their deaths however I feel that a majority of these lessons will be lost.
ReplyDeleteParticularly lessons from the death of Steve McNair. No one wants to discuss the dirty details of his death because it is in poor taste so close to his death. I always thought of McNair as a good quarterback and that is it. I think brothers closer to my age
(28) Understand all of these athletes lead two difference lives (on and off the field).
I don't know how younger brothers view these athletes today. If anything tragic death of McNair might represent a good opportunity to open up discussion with younger brothers dealing with marriage, honesty, responsibility etc...
While I agree with all that has been said, these two men had things to deal with that no man (living or dead) will ever be able to understand except for God. To pick at and critique who they were as men, fathers, husbands, etc. is a far reach for any living individual to attempt. No one on this earth is perfect, and as my mother always said..."judge not lest ye be judged" and "ye without sin cast the first stone".
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do not agree with everything that either of these individuals did, I must state that their indiscretions were on more of a personal level as opposed to affecting society at-large. Thus, I will remember both of them for the aspect of their lives that I was privy too…which is as one of the greatest entertainers ever (if not the best), and a tremendous college and NFL athlete.
I think there are some interesting points here about positive lessons to be learned from their deaths but there's also a lot to be learned from how these men lived their lives.
ReplyDeleteFrom all available evidence Michael Jackson and Steve McNair lived lives of luxury and relative excess. But what about the kids? What did all of that money and fame get their children, who are now mourning the losses of their fathers. So while Michael Jackson was involving himself in some questionable medical practices and Steve McNair was maintaining (or playing in) at least two households, what was their life like with their children? They could have been the best fathers in the world but that does not change the fact that based on decisions that they consciously made they've deprived their children of the benefit of a parent. (But granted, this is a little unclear in Michael's case.)
If there's anything that men and women can learn from these men's deaths is that when you decide to become a parent your life is no longer about you. You may not love their mother, so you divorce her. You don't start a relationship with someone else (who is possibly unstable) and play house, just because you can. And while every mistress might not resort to homocide, when you play with someone's emotions there is bound to be a reaction that can affect your relationship with your children. It might even cost you their respect.
And while you may have been traumatized as a child, you should do everything you can to get your stuff together and get help so that you can be a part of your children's lives as long as possible.
I think too many people are focusing on McNair's honesty with his wife. The truth is we don't know if he did or did not tell Mrs. McNair about the mistress. I was under the impression that they were separated and if that was the case it really wasn't any of Mrs. McNair's business. Now who he should have been honest with was his mistress. He should have sat her down from the beginning and let her know her role. "You just a side chick and I'm going to have other side chicks too. Don't trip. If you not cool with this, then deuces." Then move on to the next girl. His honesty with his wife is irrelevant here. Regardless of if he told his wife or not, the mistress still would have lost it when she found out McNair had a potential mistress #2.
ReplyDeleteI gotsta give you credit for quoting Big Rube! Mad props to the RABiii. Well, Michael did what he wanted to do as did McNair. So, and. No real lessons to learn, just notes to take. Each of us have to chose, on a daily basis, our lifestyles. We seek to meet our most fundamental needs and often spend most of our time satisfying our desires. Even if our desires are to uplift the downtrodden, inform the ignorant, inspire the apathetic, or simply entertain the bored, we, spend most of our time satisfying "desires." As I look back at my life notes I realize that I have to spend more time meeting my needs: eating right; excercising more (cardio, weights, stretching), finding the positive in every situation so as not to become a cynic; listen to my wife; call my mother; etc...you get the picture. Our brothers, who are wealthy, suffer a series of atrophies. According to Dave Chappelle, Actor's Studio Interview (youtube it), "when we're surrounding by so many people taking care of our basic needs we suffer atrophy. We forget how to do some basic things." (I'm paraphrasing)So, stick to the basics Brothers, stay in touch, take notes, do for self, etc...you get the point! KUTGW RABiii
ReplyDeleteThere are many details to both of these stories that we will never know and, quite frankly, do not matter as these are two more dead Black men. That count seems to be on the rise daily due to not only to normal things like old age or health issues, but by poor decision making. To avoid discussing these situations because a line in a book says "judge ye not...." is the EXACT reason our community is where it is today. For decades we have swept things under the rug and discussed only the good of our "heroes" placing them so far out of reach that no one could ever equal, less mention surpass them. If we humanize Dr. King and let our young people know that he was not perfect and had his own demons just as Malik, Garvey, DuBois, etc., then just maybe they would feel like their imperfections will not prevent them from being great. We discuss these situations not to judge, but to figure out what we can learn from them. Certainly Mr. McNair should have been honest with the ladies he was dealing with, but the root poor decision is his straying from his marriage. Had he not made that particualr decision, we would not be discussing this point. The same holds true for Mr. Jackson, as he made a plethora of questionable decisions in his life. These types of incidents happen every day. Drug dependency, infidelity, and murder are, unfortunately, everyday events in this country. These two men happen to be highly public figures and the details of their deaths are highly sought after. I am certain that on the same days that these men died, thousands overdosed on drugs (precription or otherwise) and just as many, if not more were shot and killed, but no one will ever know or care why...these ordeals should beg the question "Is a life only relevant when you are famous?" What does the honest answer to that question say about our society? Again, I agree that we should not judge, but we should ANALYZE in order to prevent future occurrences where possible.
ReplyDeleteHW3