Women's roles are evolving. Many contemporary women want to embrace both traditional and modern roles and want to be recognized by her male counter-parts as having both. "I'm every woman!" But black men’s roles are not evolving at the same rate. Therefore, many contemporary women are moving through their dating lives with modern/traditional “double-consciousness” and asking men to satiate their desire to fulfill the demands of both roles. But many men are still socialized to perpetuate traditional notions of black masculinity. Many of those notions of maleness conflict with a modern understanding of her place in society.
Historically black women have been forced into positions traditionally reserved for men. During U.S. slavery (contrary to Michele Bachmann), many black women were often left to be single mothers due to their husbands and male partners being sold, killed or escaping as runaways. They needed to maintain emotional, spiritual and physical strength to endure rape, children being sold, challenging physical labor, and other detrimental effects of a bonded existence. Media outlets during World War II may have focused on encouraging white women to join the work force in sacrifice of their domestic duties, but black women were also encouraged.
After this massive and influential campaign, we find that white and black women no longer saw their societal roles the same. During the U.S. Civil Rights Movement black women were at the forefront of landmark demonstrations such as the Montgomery Bus Boycott but The Women’s Political Council becomes absent from history, Rosa Parks the educated community organizer becomes relegated to a seamstress who is simply tired or being sick and tired.
Through women’s desire for credit for their abilities and the demands for equality through education and the workforce, the modern woman is able to be independent. Contrary to the traditional social structure where women had limited access to education or lucrative employment, today, women have access. Women no longer need men. Yet many women want men. Therefore we need a “Role Revolution.” Via the Feminist/Womynist Movements women have demanded and are taking on more traditionally masculine roles but there has been no movement where men are requesting to be more feminine…especially black men.
A friend of mine, black woman, is a lawyer, has her own firm, and recently ran for judge. Her husband has a degree in history and wished to be an educator. By the time baby number three came along, they realized that it didn’t make fiscal sense for both of them to work. He quit his job and became a “house-husband.” We can easily see a woman making the choice to be a housewife but a house husband feels awkward…sounds awkward. I think what makes my friend’s situation unique is that her husband is white. Traditional masculinity is grounded in the ability to provide (monetarily), protect (physically), and procreate (creating a legacy). But with more black men disproportionately given felonies, longer sentences, targeted by law enforcement, more likely to have a subpar education, and less likely to attend college we find a sizable black male population who find it incredibly challenging to fulfill all of the facets of traditional masculinity. Mostly likely, the average black man will make less money and have less formal education than black females yet, many women uncompromisingly want their “equal” and many men do not wish to play second fiddle to a successful wife.
Arguably, there has been a change in how white men have defined power. From power as demonstrated by force (i.e. physical sports, conquering lands and people), to power demonstrated by access to resources (i.e. business acumen, acquisition of money and assets) (see previous post) so how will black men change their definition? Can black men be like my friend’s husband and be willing to take on more traditionally feminine roles without believing it compromises their masculinity? How will black women alter their roles and their requests of black men? What is our reasoning for holding on to traditional roles? Are we grounding too much of our identity in however we may be defining “independence”? Masculinity? Femininity?
“Role Revolution” First Rule of Engagement and Take-Home Activities
I’ll start with our first rule of engagement in modern dating. Feel free to add new rules, complete activity suggestions and share as we build on ideas of relationships
Rule #1 Going Dutch: Let’s consider how black women’s modern/traditional double-consciousness effects how we want our knight and shining armor to manifest. Often times, it doesn’t compliment us in our entirety. For example, traditionally, men demonstrated their abilities to provide and protect during the courting stage in an effort to show the lady that he is capable of taking care of her. But, if needing to see the plentitude of his pockets is no longer the goal, then should we consider Dutch as an option for the first three to five dates? In this way, as equals, we are both investing in the possibility of a future and we both have something to gain (or lose).Activity #1 Media Influences:
a) List the songs throughout the years that have encouraged women to take on traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine roles. Listen to the words. Are these songs encouraging a modern/traditional double-consciousness in many women? Are there any songs that encourage men to assume a similar modern/traditional double-consciousness? What are they?
b) List movies where women are revered for their ability to be traditionally masculine and feminine. What are the character’s traits? Are there similar movies for men?
Activity #2 Using the Feminine to Demean: Note how often friends, family, media, (or you) use words often connected to femininity to demean a man: “Don’t be a pussy.” “Stop bitchin.’” Consider how these interactions effect how men construction masculinity as something in opposition to femininity. As something they should avoid…As something “less than”, bad or dirty. How might that encourage or discourage some men to reconsider their societal roles?
Now granted, I love being taken out, wined and dined…thus I’m not saying I’m against it. I’ve definitely had some really good black men in my life who have been able to strike a good balance. But, how might our expectations of each other be too idealistic? How might the construction of our identities be detrimental fabrications?
~ Thanks Dr. B for great conversation!
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