Chivalry Isn't Dead...The People Who Used It Are

I have a best friend who goes to school in Chicago and every time we meet up during breaks in Cleveland she never fails to mention the despair of being single, black, and a woman in America. I try my best to listen and reason (usually at a stalemate and feeling like my black male brethren are the scum of the earth), but I find it poignant that no matter what she always seems to mention that a key fact that she is single is because she feels that black men are not gentlemen anymore, or simply lost any semblance of chivalry. Chivalry is commonly associated with knights, maidens, and the Middle Age, but chivalry, at it's core, is consistent with the principles of bravery, honor, and most importantly, respect towards women. And, based off that definition, it would seem that there is hope for relevant use for chivalry in today's black men, right? Well, let's see...


Entering my junior year at Ohio State, I've come to notice the unofficial dress code for men on campus, especially if you are black. That is the Nike/Jordan black or red basketball shorts, a fresh (or dingy, depending upon the person) white Hanes t-shirt, a matching grey or black hoodie, a black cap, and the black sneakers. Now, I am no fashion cop, mother, or employer for I have no issue with this attire (truly I do not) BUT the issue comes when that is ALL you wear during the week/weekend AND when the concept of wearing jeans becomes as dreaded as picking out an Easter suit (you all remember those days). This has become a precedent all over, it has even permeated to other ethnicities as a white friend last year saw me wear a solid black button-up shirt and some jeans with black sneakers and his reply was, "Oh, why are you so dressed up?" What? Dressed up? How about looking like I got something to do or better yet some place to go outside the confines of Morrill Tower? I must admit, I do not wear suits to class or even business casual to class but at the same time I have never gone to class in pajamas or sweats. What I believe to be the issue with the situation on attire is the fact that, besides convenience, there are no real encounters or events on campus that demand higher levels of dress, or better yet, there are no real EXPECTATION for us to dress better. With prior experience, I have come to learn that the best solution is for there to be more events that demand a higher level of dress at functions, whether that be Greek parties, club meetings, class projects, social hangouts, etc. Also, is for the friends and network of the man to continually put expectations of better attire towards him daily until it becomes habit. However, I realize that this may not be feasible, so I also feel that having a well-dressed male friend will help through interaction and relativity, but the presence of a female friend who may have more objective (usually higher) standards request a certain look before encounters helps create repetition.

Next, is the issue of relationship etiquette and how it is deficient in today's world at large, not with just us black men. I am well aware of the "game" (or lack there of) many men try to use to get women, and 6 out 10 times it involves something ignorant said, high levels of arrogance, blunt crassness, and flat out horrible execution due to a lack of respect for the female being approached. I have seen it and heard it all in my 20- years of life and I've seen some of the worst (and a few times the best) here at Ohio State. Once again, I will preface this with the fact that I am not in a relationship and have not actively tried to do so in awhile (by choice and priority) but like Riley Freeman form the Boondocks said, "Game recognizes game [Grandad] and you lookin' real unfamiliar" OSU brothers. I don't know if it is the trying to be hard approach coming up soft, or the trying to be intellectual when you got a 2.3 looking sketch, the active hooper look looking rather sweaty and funky (and in desperate need of a shower), or the "you know what I'm sayin'" suffix to every word leaving you in search for the nearest Webster's Collegiate Edition, but I am dumbfounded by these encounters. I am even more perplexed by the dismay and confusion that follows the rejection (What did you truly expect?). I have another friend who goes here and she has had a few encounters like these and tells me these Showtime at the Apollo-worthy skits routinely. But fear not for I may have a remedy, that being a humble, educated, and honest display of who you are. Let's be real, as much as a woman may want the guy of her dreams to be right in front of her I am confident that she will settle for a true depiction of you from start to finish, flaws and all. Also, aggressive is not always the answer. I say this because I've seen guys try to get girl's like it was a National Geographic special on the hunt of the wild. Calm, steady, and precise is the key because a clear and coherent message is better than a hasty shakedown. Finally, a defeat can actually spell a victory. This is vital for I have realized that just like a girl can figure you out in the first 3 minutes in talking to a man, the man can figure her out in her method of reaction to the proposition. A belligerent and abrupt decline could spell doom for the brother she may want, while you passed over a headache. Or an detailed rejection may entail a caring nature that may signal her as a kind friend who puts you down nicely (or she's just polite about it). A subtle no may mean not at the moment. But, obviously, an acceptance means you've done well and to continue the supposedly good work (I've seen others succeed with flawed methods but it never lasts).

These are a few ways in which chivalry can make a comeback in today's world and on the OSU campus. It may work for some and not for others and that's fine, as long as somebody feels inspired to step their level of respect up a notch. Also, it's a good way to get black women off our case for awhile until we do something else is wrong and we have to come up with more solutions. But, we will cross that bridge when we get there. It should be known that I am not a matchmaker or advice giver by any stretch of the imagination, but I just want to share some helpful words advice to my OSU brothers so that they can upgrade their appearance and relationship, while enhancing the perspective of the OSU male for years to come. Good luck and stay classy!